August 29

As twisted as it seems, I only feel love when it’s in my dreams.

It was terrible and awful when someone left you. You could move on, do the best you could, but an ending was an ending. No matter how many pages of sentences and paragraphs of great stories led up to it, it would always have the last word.

We’re both fiction. You’re too good to be true, and I don’t exist to you.

How many times can you fake a smile while all your friends are talking about their boyfriends, fight the urge to text him, say your fine without him? You act like nothings wrong when really your just fighting the tears from streaming down your face. Everyone has a breaking point, so admit that you can’t do this alone, that you miss him, and just cry. Trust me, it is okay.

I could have asked him to reconsider. To stay. And yet nothing came. Nothing. I just watched him go.

At the end of your rope, when you can’t find any hope, you still look at him and say, “I just can’t walk away.” Tell me, what makes you stay?

Some nights, alone, he thinks of her. And some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some nights these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and they are connected without ever knowing it.

I do believe in Karma. And one day, it will get to you. You will someday feel what I felt. You will one day experience what you did to me.

He was everywhere I looked. He was everything I wanted. He was breaking my heart.

Nobody forgets what happened. The secret is learning to live with it.

I’m sitting here waiting. I’m calling you back, and you won’t call me back, and it’s fucked up. But at the same time, it just made me want you even worse.

Maybe this is supposed to be the end of us, maybe we are not supposed to reconcile and be friends again. Maybe we were here to teach one another a lesson, and once the lesson was taught we were supposed to leave. And now maybe, just maybe, this is the end for us.

Sometimes there is nothing to be said. Sometimes nothing should be said. I just want to find someone who won’t run away. Someone to look me in the eyes and tell me it’s okay, that things don’t always go right. That is how life works, and how it will always work. That it’s not going to be easy. Today, tomorrow, the next day, but it will somehow get better.

It’s not that we didn’t love each other, it’s just that love wasn’t enough, so I think I have to let go. We have to let go.

He has the most adorable eyes you could ever fall for. The cutest smile that will take your breath away. He has the ability to make you laugh every time he speaks. And when you look at him, its hard to turn away.

I know you’re gonna hurt me; it happens every time. And I know I’m gonna let you; I do every time.

I figured out that I can’t forget. I can’t really forgive. But I can live. Live with it. Like you live with a scar or a limp or whatever. You always know it’s there. It reminds you never to let yourself  repeat anything like it again. I step out of my rut, step again, and keep stepping.

She’s getting to you. You’re finding out that you don’t like being without her, you’re feeling exactly how she did.

I know how you look in the mirror, and hate what you see. I know how when someone tells you they care about you, you never believe it. I know you feel like there’s absolutely nothing about you thats all that amazing, or unique, or special. I know how you don’t think you deserve any of what you have, because you think you’re worthless. I know how hard you think before you say or do anything because you try so hard to be good enough for everyone. I know how you can’t bring yourself to trust anyone. I know how you think you’re an idiot, for loving the ones who hurt you and hurting the ones who love you. I know how you can’t sleep at night because of all the things that go through your mind. I know how your heart aches because you’ve been so hurt before, because he promised you something and left you. I know how you’re scared to death of that happening again, and now you can’t let anyone in. I know you don’t trust yourself not to hurt anyone who enters your life. I know how you feel so fucked up, like you’re a freak for feeling this way and nobody could ever understand how you feel. But I do. And let me tell you, I’m not the only one. You’re not alone.


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