Things won’t be the same. You’re gone and only memories remain. I’m not ready for this change.

I wanna tell you how I feel, but I’m scared. Scared of being hurt again. Scared of you not feeling the same way. Scared of falling harder. You understand me. You make me smile. Really smile. I never thought I’d like you the way I do. I had to stop myself before, but now I’m not strong enough to do that anymore.

Do you want to know the truth? I’m scared, okay? I’m terrified to get too close to you because I don’t want to get my heart broken. I’m afraid that if we take this further, I’m just going to get hurt and to be honest, I don’t think I could take that.

You can’t do this, you can’t treat me the way you do. It’s just not fair. I’m sorry, okay? I don’t know how many times I have to apologize, or ask you if you hate me to get the satisfaction that you’re okay with it, because I know you’re not, so I don’t even know why I ask.. but I still want you in my life. Stranger, I miss you. Not the way you might think, but I miss being friends. We’re nothing now, I guess the ultimatum was all or nothing, and I chose nothing. I didn’t want you like that anymore. I don’t know when it happened, but one day I guess I just woke up and realized that the time I was spending on you was a waste, and my heart didn’t give up, it moved on. I don’t love you anymore, and I don’t like you anymore. You’re just, there.. but you aren’t even there. Your miles away and it’s how it’s gonna be. You broke my heart, and it seems weird to say that now, because I’m at the point where I’m like, what the hell was I thinking? But you cannot treat me this way. You can’t act like what I’m doing is wrong, because if you think about it, you did the same thing. Many times. You always wondered why I was so mad, but you can’t do this and say that what I did was so awful. I didn’t do it to get you back or get revenge, not at all. I did it because I honestly do not want you anymore. Believe it or not, you’re different now. So am I. I’m stronger. You made me stronger. You broke me, and now I’m okay. I’m getting built up again, and yeah I’m most likely going to get my heart broken, and go through this again, but atleast it won’t be by you. If you asked me if I would go back in time, if the ending would end up good and we ever ended up together, I would say no. I would not want to give us another chance. Why not? I wanted you for so long, you’d think I’d want atleast one more try. But no, whoever thinks that is absolutely wrong. The sad part of this? I can’t even picture you while writing this. That’s how much you’ve faded. But it’s my fault. Not my fault, I take that back. It was my choice. I chose to say no to you when you finally wanted me, and if you asked me if I regret, I’d say hell no.

I’m in over my head in this game. Over my head. And I’m afraid I’m never gonna find my way back to where I’ve been.

It will be easier if you just let me go.

I can’t afford to make another mistake like this, cause this is more than I can take.

Maybe I don’t have; the prettiest profile pictures, the biggest boobs, The most perfect ass, The hair that always stays in place, a pimple clear face, a permanent smile, the cutest clothes, the higher social status, the most friends on Facebook, the most money, the skinniest body, the most perfect figure, the whole school worshiping me, the perfect life, but i do know, that I can love you more than anyone else.

I don’t love him, and he definitely doesn’t love me. Still, he semi-fills a gaping black hole inside me. That place wants love, maybe even needs love, but love is something I’m pretty sure doesn’t exist .

Words are cheap, and love, it speaks the volumes that we need to make our hearts grow weak. So come on back, and have some laughs. Remember that the good times, they ain’t so bad. Cause I am dying to try and find a way we can leave this all behind.

It’s too late, it’s too late to fix this. What’s the point? This is all so pointless. Sorry I tried so hard. And just, next time that I see you, just remind me not to act just like I care. All those memories you killed, and you’re just burning bridges you helped build. And everything that I say, I hope it brings you back to that one day. While all I have left to do is to just keep reminding myself to forget about you.

And I felt I was on fire with the things I could have told you. I guess I just assumed that you eventually would ask. And I wouldn’t have to bring up my so badly broken heart. And all those months I just wanted to sleep.

You really can be damned if you do, screwed if you don’t.

He looked deeply into my eyes, he lied and said, “I’ll never make you cry”and when I thought it was too good to be true, he blew me off, and found someone new.

I can taste the tension like a cloud of smoke in the air.

Stop letting him screw with you. Even though you think you have it under control, you don’t. Stop trying to prove a point to him. He’s already past it and doesn’t care. You shouldn’t either.

4 Responses

  1. please go back to daily. i stopped checking as often because you never post anymore ): maybe thats why you lost views? idk just a thought but i ❤ this & miss them!

    • I’m trying! I promise. It’s just that I keep getting caught up. ):

  2. This Website Makes My Days Worth While . 🙂 ❤

    • Thank you so much!! (:

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