I guess what hurts the most isn’t that I don’t have you. It’s that at one point, I did. It’s that I can go to sleep missing you, dream that I’m with you, then wake up and realize once more that I don’t have you. Maybe what hurts the most is not that I’m no longer enough, but at one point, I was.

The hardest part to deal with, more than schoolwork, school, life and friends, more than, as she put it ‘alternating between not caring and caring and regretting not caring when I care’ was that on top of everything – on top of driving themselves to be smart, pretty, thin and athletic – perhaps the most difficult pressure for high school students was that despite it all, they also have to push themselves to appear happy.

It may seem like the hardest thing to do, but you have to forget about the person who forgot about you.

Sometimes you just have to finally admit that you don’t deserve any of this, and leave. Even if it’s going to be the hardest thing you ever do.

I’d rather people think that I’m okay, than them knowing that I’m not.

Have you ever wanted to ask a question but you didn’t because you knew in your heart that you wouldn’t be able to handle the answer?

Hey, life sucks without you. I miss you. I—of course I miss you. I knew that I would but, it’s not like a ‘hey we had some great times you know keep in touch’ kind of thing. It’s .. it was more like I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I forget what it feels like to laugh kind of thing. And I.. I really think that when you left, you took my heart with you.

There were some things I wanted to tell him, but I knew they would hurt him, so I buried them and let them hurt me.

You can’t do this, you can’t treat me the way you do. It’s just not fair. I’m sorry, okay? I don’t know how many times I have to apologize, or ask you if you hate me to get the satisfaction that you’re okay with it, because I know you’re not, so I don’t even know why I ask.. but I still want you in my life. Stranger, I miss you. Not the way you might think, but I miss being friends. We’re nothing now, I guess the ultimatum was all or nothing, and I chose nothing. I didn’t want you like that anymore. I don’t know when it happened, but one day I guess I just woke up and realized that the time I was spending on you was a waste, and my heart didn’t give up, it moved on. I don’t love you anymore, and I don’t like you anymore. You’re just, there.. but you aren’t even there. Your miles away and it’s how it’s gonna be. You broke my heart, and it seems weird to say that now, because I’m at the point where I’m like, what the hell was I thinking? But you cannot treat me this way. You can’t act like what I’m doing is wrong, because if you think about it, you did the same thing. Many times. You always wondered why I was so mad, but you can’t do this and say that what I did was so awful. I didn’t do it to get you back or get revenge, not at all. I did it because I honestly do not want you anymore. Believe it or not, you’re different now. So am I. I’m stronger. You made me stronger. You broke me, and now I’m okay. I’m getting built up again, and yeah I’m most likely going to get my heart broken, and go through this again, but atleast it won’t be by you. If you asked me if I would go back in time, if the ending would end up good and we ever ended up together, I would say no. I would not want to give us another chance. Why not? I wanted you for so long, you’d think I’d want atleast one more try. But no, whoever thinks that is absolutely wrong. The sad part of this? I can’t even picture you while writing this. That’s how much you’ve faded. But it’s my fault. Not my fault, I take that back. It was my choice. I chose to say no to you when you finally wanted me, and if you asked me if I regret, I’d say hell no.

I know it seems like a million years ago we dated, but it wasn’t. Maybe you’re over it, maybe it doesn’t mean anything to you anymore. Maybe it never did…but it meant a lot to me. You meant a lot to me. And you still do.

But I have tried to forget you, its just incredibly painful and hard. One of these days, fingers crossed, I’ll get over you.

I’ve been hurting from every direction possible, and, “everything will be alright . .” just doesn’t even sound believable at this point.

I may be walking away, but the whole time I was praying you’d hold me back. You’d grab my wrist and yell in my face why I need you and how you love me. I wanted you to fight for me.


2 Responses

  1. I sent in the quotes<3 😀 can you make a post tonight I'm in need of them :3

    • There will be a post tonight, I promise! (:

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