Once I put it out there though, it was all different. It was like one part of me left when I spoke those words.

I began to feel lost again, as the loneliness blossomed inside me like an unwelcomed friend.

This game we’re playing is dangerous.

He had proven to me, without a doubt, that he didn’t need me. And if it was the last thing I ever did, I was going to prove to him, without a doubt, that I didn’t need him either.

What if I can never love again? What if you’ve broken me so much, so irreversibly, that I just can’t?

Maybe I was just never meant for love.

The problem is, I can’t tell whats real anymore, and what’s made up.

And in case he tells you that it just ‘happened,’ please remember, cheating doesn’t just ‘happen.’ it’s not an accident as in, ‘oops, I just slipped and fell into a sexual relationship with someone else.’ It was planned and executed with the full knowledge that it could end your relationship.

And you are what you never wanted to be, faithless.

And I have to face the truth, you didn’t love me half as much as I loved you.

I want you to fall apart like I did. I want you to think you’re okay one second, just to break apart the next. I want you to think you have me and then be wrong.

I want to hold on, but it hurts so bad. And I can’t keep something that I never had.

You don’t know me. You only like me because you think I’m pretty. What a disgusting word. It gives guys, anyone really,  a reason to obtain some attachment to you. You don’t know me, you have absolutely no reason to like me.

But you’re not him.

And then I closed my eyes, well aware that you’d be waiting in my dreams.


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