I wait for the days where I will forget who you are. When the taste of your name sounds old and worn. I wait for the days when I wont remember why I needed you so bad.

I knew from the day we met, you’d be kind of hard to forget.

I want to hear someone’s life story. A stranger’s. And then tell them mine. I want them to know everything about me. Those little things that I keep to myself because I’m afraid of judgment. Terrible, awful things that I lock up in the back of my head. My opinions. The truth. Everything and anything I can think of. And I want them not to hate me afterwards.

And my heart honestly breaks when I think of you. I understand now what I love you means. It’s doing the right thing, no matter of the consequence.

And forgive me if I’ve lost faith in you, but you’ve done this to yourself.

It fades in and out…but it never really goes away.

My downfall was getting too attached, too fast.

Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away, and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my eyes will speak for my heart.

But you still want to know more about me and I don’t know why…because all I know is that I wouldn’t want to know more about me, if I as you.

It’s just that I don’t want to be somebody’s crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don’t want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too.

I need someone who is comfortable with awkward silences and doesn’t mind me not talking most of the time.

I think the problem is that I’m stuck waiting for him to do something, to make a move, to say the perfect thing. And the problem is that I shouldn’t be that girl, the one who sits and waits for him. I should be independent. I should think clearly and consistently without having my mind jump straight back to him. Yeah, falling for someone like that is the hardest thing to do. And the stupidest thing is that the thing standing in my way is fear of losing him, the fear of rejection, the fear that I might lose a friend that means everything to me. I want to be everything to him, but I’m not. I’m not the kind of girl he needs, and I’ll never be that girl.

A hero, a savior. That was what I was looking for. That was what I needed.

I wonder what you look like, under your t-shirt. I wonder what you sound like, when you’re not wearing words. I wonder what we have, when we’re not pretending.


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