He was like a drug to her. At first she brushed him off. He was just another boy that didn’t seem worth her time. And then he started to do stupid things, like smile at her or reach for her hand. And then one day he kissed her. And she started to want more. To crave more of him. She became addicted to the way he smelled, the way he walked, the way he laughed and the way he looked at her like she was the only thing he needed. At school they moved through the halls as a unit. In sync with every step. She saw the jealousy of the other girls. And then one day he left.

You’re like this popular kid that everyone loves, you have such pretty girls madly in love with, you have such a amazing smile, with a nice body. I’ve never met you, but if you wanna know about me? I’m a dork, I hang out with this little group of people, I have probably 10 guys who just find me “hot”, my smile is far from being amazing, I guess I have an okay body. Yes me and you can never be together I know, but should I give up hope?

I’ve done everything to keep you out of my head, but somehow everything leads back to you.

It had been months since she had smiled a real smile. And I mean the kind of smile that spread like a wildfire across her face. The kind that made everything around her disappear.

She’s strong because she knows what it’s like to be weak; she keeps a guard up because she knows how it feels to cry herself to sleep.

But somewhere back in my head I compared everything he did to you.

Don’t mind if I get weak in the knees, you have that effect on me.

And I feel so stupid because he doesn’t even think of me at all and I know you might say “you never know,” but I do, I just do. And it hurts more than anything in this world to know I have these feelings and he doesn’t, it just isn’t fair, it just isn’t. That’s what I’ve been thinking about the past week, it’s been 2 years since I’ve seen you but that dream I had last night brought back everything.

Today someone asked me what’s wrong. I’m drowning, I’m fucking drowning. “Nothing.”

Everyone is asking me if I’m okay, as if it’s such an easy question to answer.

Pain is just weakness escaping the body.

When I looked into his eyes, there was something about them that caught my attention. I could see for a split second that he wasn’t the person everyone thought he was. He had put up a shield, a wall. And it was at that moment that I was determined to be the one to tear it down.

It’s kind of sad how you still make my day.

I wanted you to love me and just look at me and know, you didn’t need anything else…

I can’t think of anybody else who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you.

And I just realized I don’t miss you physically, I miss that special feeling you gave me when I was next to you. Yeah, no words can explain how amazing that feeling was. I can only wish someone else can make me keep that feeling for forever and a day.

Let’s just pretend for a little while, it might hurt afterwards, but I will never forget that feeling you gave me. So let’s just pretend, so it’ll all come back for a little while.

Is this even possible? To wake up and have feelings you thought you lost? How can this happen, I had dream about you!? I didn’t even think of you before I went to sleep, and now all of a sudden these feelings come back!? What is this? I’m done with my questions. I got over you once, I can do it again.

Just take my hand and tell me everything will be okay. Even though deep down we both know everything’s changed.

And at this point, I need god to give me a reason to live, nobody cares whether or not I’m here, I’m in tears hoping someone will care. Because ever since you left I keep on hitting rock bottom, and just when I’m at my lowest, I go even lower. I just need someone to care, other than just me.

Cause’ every time we touch I get this feeling like I’m falling back in love with you all over again.


2 Responses

  1. “And at this point, I need god to give me a reason to live, nobody cares whether or not I’m here, I’m in tears hoping someone will care. Because ever since you left I keep on hitting rock bottom, and just when I’m at my lowest, I go even lower. I just need someone to care, other than just me.”

    That’s how I feel right now 😦

    • People do care! Everybody cares. ❤

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