And so I decided that I wasn’t going to get up this time. No, I wasn’t going to get up just to be let down again.

We all have that boy. That boy who you’re completely over, but you still think about before you sleep. That boy who you avoid talking to, but still wish he would text you just once. That boy who you have to make yourself not think about, but always wonder if he is thinking about you.

But we were all too scared to say the things worth saying.

I know there will be risks, but I want to face them with you. It’s wrong that we should only be half alive, half of ourselves. I love you. So here I am, standing in your doorway. I’ve always been standing in your doorway.

Here’s the truth about the truth: it hurts. So we lie.

Maybe we’re too young and I don’t even know what’s for real, but I know I never wanted anything so bad. I never wanted anyone so bad.

I know I’m not easy to understand. I know I keep a lot inside and I know I’m not the easiest person to read, but that’s okay, because even though there’s a lot about me you’ll never know, there’s a hell of a lot of me you can learn to love.

I over analyze situations because I am scared of what will happen if I am not prepared for it.

Remind me.

I like being alone. At least, I’ve convinced myself that I’m better off that way.

You know when nothings wrong, but then again nothings right? That feeling you get when you don’t know what to do, you don’t know where to go? Like you have everything and nothing to do? Yeah, that’s kinda how I feel. Like I’m trying to do something, trying to go somewhere, and I end up where I started. Nothings wrong with me, but nothings right either.

I wanted myself to believe I could be with you. But you were so perfect…and I was so imperfect.

Nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much the human heart can hold.

My heart can’t forget you and my mind can’t leave you.

You still love her. I can see it in your eyes. The truth is all I can hear everytime you lie.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.

This is not going to make me happy. I can see where this is headed. I am going to be broken and left alone, like last time. Like every time. I need to get over me. I need to get over you. I need to get out to get back in. I can’t. I can’t give up. I need to, though. Save myself. But maybe, for now we can pretend. And I can try.

And I’ve got this great ability to ruin everything that’s good for me.

Our bodies were touching and nothing was said, but the way you touched me, well, you said it all.

I feel like i’m forcing myself to like him, to hold on. Like i’m not content
with just being on my own. Because when i don’t like someone there is nothing to
look foward to. Nothing to get me out of bed in the morning and look cute. But
then again there is no disappointment either.

4 Responses

  1. I love your doing posts again ❤ •

    • Haha thanks, me too! (:

  2. And I’ve got this great ability to ruin everything that’s good for me.

    ^ that’s me!

    • Haha same here!

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