Isn’t strange how quickly things can change?

Eventually you’ll understand that there was a reason he walked away, there’s a reason he didn’t call and didn’t fight for you when you would have done anything for him, eventually you’ll see past his bullshit and you’ll be able to see right through the guy you once thought couldn’t possibly hurt you. One day you will see.

In a dream you appeared. For a while you were here. So I keep sleeping. Just to keep you with me.

You know what I think we are most afraid of? Not knowing. Not knowing whether it’s all really worth it. Not knowing if you should give up or keep fighting. Not knowing why you do the things you do; not knowing the purpose. It’s like when you’re little and you touch the stove and get burned, because you didn’t really know that it was hot. Not knowing has always hurt us, from the very beginning.

He just stopped loving me, I don’t know what I did or what I didn’t do. He just stopped.

I’ve tried and tried to be your friend and make everything work between us. But I guess I’m never going to be good enough, right? I don’t know what else you want me to do. So do what you want. Hate me all you want. But when that day comes, when you actually want to talk to me.. just know it’s going to be too late. I’m so done with you.

I told you, you’d give up on me.

You always told me how you hate to see me hurt, and how you hate to see me cry. So all those times you hurt me, did you close your eyes?

I hate being alone. I admit it. I’m clingy and constantly crave the attention of those who seem so well off and perfect. It’s terrible because we really shouldn’t depend on anybody but ourselves. I put up such a strong facade, nobody would believe I could ever be sad or alone. I’ve worked hard to achieve that status and even harder to keep reassuring people it’s real. But sometimes I wish everyone would know. I am not perfect. Not even close. I feel like a nobody most of the time. And the only thing worse than being alone is feeling alone with everybody beside you.

Do you think he remembers the moments too? Do you think he looks at a calendar and just pauses for a second, remembering the significant events that happened this day years in the past? Does a boy’s heart ache when he thinks of what used to be, or does it not even cross his mind?

Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you.

There’s always something stopping me from letting myself be happy. I know it must be tough to know me, even worse to love me. To be a part of my life.

No one gets hurt. Except me. The lines are so crossed and blurred at this point that I don’t know what I want. I just know I want it to be easy.

But I’m not her. And no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that I am, at the end of the day I am still me. Whatever we share, we are not the same. You can’t morph me into someone else anymore than I can pretend I’m your priority. And yet, I’m still not sorry that I’m not her.

There I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles.

I’ll say my goodbye, and you’ll walk away in the way that you do. Then we’ll both pretend that nothing happened and we never knew each other. Because that’s what happens. You find people, and then you lose them. Nothing lasts forever, contrary to popular belief. And it’s those goodbyes, the ones you thought you’d never have to say; it’s those that hurt the most.

I’m shy. Most people don’t take the time to get to know me. They don’t take the time to explore the real me. So why should I even bother hoping that you might?

I felt something catch in my throat, a sudden surge of sadness that caught me unaware. It almost managed to take my breath away. That was the thing; you never got used to it. You never got used to the idea of someone being gone. Just when you think it’s okay, and you think you’ve accepted it, someone points it out to you, and it hits you all over again, and it’s just as shocking as the first time.

Because you want me hooked, you want me as an option, even if it is an option you’ll never take.

I’d like to tell you that I have it all figured out. That I know where I’m going and I know where I’ve been. But the truth of the matter lies in the fact that I really don’t even know who I am anymore.

Then he looked up and whispered,”how could you do this to me?” And pain flowed through me as I asked myself the same question.

I know it hurts, I know that. But if you give up now, you may be missing someone greater than you could ever have imagined. And no one wants to miss something that will change their life forever. Just keep holding on and I promise it’ll get better.


There are no comments on this post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: