And I don’t think you could ever forget someone that once was the reason you smiled.

And you have ruined all of my favorite songs.

I’m tired of feeling bad. I’d rather feel nothing. It’s better, it’s easier.

I’m not scared of losing him because, let’s be honest here, I never had him to begin with. I’m just scared of living the rest of my life knowing I didn’t tell him how I felt, wondering if he felt the same way. Rejection says I tried, regret leaves me with nothing but ‘what if’s’ for the rest of my life.

And I’m happy to admit that when I hear your name my heart doesn’t skip, my head doesn’t spin, my legs don’t wobble, and my lungs continue to breathe.

Experience had taught me that even the most precious memories fade with the passage of time.

You know what your problem is? You get attached, fast. And once you’re attached to someone, you do everything you can to please them and make them happy. It’s never been about what you want, it’s always everyone’s needs before your own. You give out too many chances to people, who quite frankly, do not deserve them. They take advantage of you, and you become a pushover. But you’re okay with that, because they’re in your life and that’s all you ever really wanted. And even if they screw you over, you’ll still be there for them. Because that’s you, that who you are. Once you get attached to someone, they capture your heart and they always have a place there. And that is why it’s so hard for you to let him go.

You’re pathetic. You tell every girl exactly what they want to hear just to make sure everyone likes you. But in the end; they all end up hating you.

But at the end of the day, you’ll always be hours away, with empty words, and nothing to say.

Sometimes there is no next time, no time-outs, no second chances; sometimes it’s now or never.

The right guy will come along someday, you just gotta tough it out and wait for him. But whatever you do, don’t settle. You deserve so much more.

It’s just so hard to wait around for something that you’re not even sure is actually going to happen. But you can’t seem to give up when you know it’s everything you’ve ever wanted.

To be honest, when people tell me to just “follow my heart” I don’t even know what that means. Like sometimes I can’t differentiate between what my mind thinks and what my heart feels.

I don’t know why we all hang on to something we know we’re better of letting go. It’s like we’re scared to lose what we don’t really have. Some of us say we’d rather have that then nothing at all, but the truth is; to have it half way is harder then not having it all.

Because I broke down today, and I’m not sure I got myself back together. Memories from two years ago, coupled with the rainy weather. Bet myself it would be the last time I cried about it at all, bet myself I wouldn’t take another fall. Well, I lost the bet, and now I’m down another heart. Lately, I’ve been wondering if it’s all because I miss you. I don’t think I can handle missing you.

I always have to wonder whether I am truly wanted or whether I’ve just been settled for.

You have no right to say a single word about me, my choices, or my past. Cause you weren’t there. You didn’t get your heart broken and you didn’t watch him bounce right back.

Here we are, standing at some point of our lives where both of us are clueless. Somehow passing this point makes it too hard to go back, back to days where nothing mattered, where we lived carefree. Maybe somehow we need to go back, maybe we just aren’t ready. I’m not sure, and I’m scared. I’m scared to ruin what we’ve already started, and scared to go on to something I can’t handle.

Here comes the big punch line I’ve been dying to give: I don’t really need you like I used to, and you can walk out that door, through the back woods and pretend we never happened. It’ll all be the same, but you’ll be the coward. You were the one always looking for a way out.

So what? We only talk when it’s convenient for you? What about the times I lie in bed, clutching my tear-stained pillow over my throbbing mouth, trying to contain a scream that’s releasing all the exploding nerve endings? What, are you too busy playing xbox to bother texting me back? Jackass.

I hate it when people tell me, “I can’t believe you don’t have a boyfriend!” Well what’s so hard to believe? I’ve never been good enough for anyone.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to get out of my comfort zone, I need to try some new things.

I want to believe in it all again. In art, fate, and love and I want to believe that I’ve made the right choice and that I’m on the right path and there’s still time to fix the mistakes that I’ve made. And I guess I want hope.I guess I’m learning, little by little, that we decide what our lives are going to be. Things happen to us, but it’s our reactions that matter.


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