I think it’s time I let you go. And that’s so hard to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life. But the daydreaming, the running in place, it’s not healthy. So this is me, cutting the cord. This is me doing what I should have done months ago.

I hate that I can’t go a day without thinking about you. I hate that I forgive you every time you mess up. But most of all, I hate that I keep coming back to you.

The worse thing is caring about someone, wondering how they are and what they’re up to when the truth is they’ve stopped wondering about you a long time ago.

I made a list of wrongs and rights tonight. And you’re number one on both sides.

Your whole life is about to change in a way that it will never be the same again. You’re opening a new chapter, and you have to give a proper good-bye to the old one. You don’t want to miss these moments, even the sad ones, because you’ll never get them back again.

I’ll never forget your smile afterward, or the way you held my hand in the car. But most of all, I’ll never forget you.

I only wish my words could convince myself that it just wasn’t real, but that’s not the way it feels.

I’m gonna stop looking back and start moving on. Learn how to face my fears. Love with all my heart, make my mark. I wanna leave something here.

And now, all the Taylor Swift songs are starting to make sense again. There’s a tub of icecream in my fridge and Titanic in my DVD player. Just because I see it coming, doesn’t mean it’s not gonna hurt.

How about you talk to me first.

I needed to know that I meant something, anything to you. But what I got was nothing, absolutely nothing. And it’s funny the things you realize when someone walks away. At first you feel as though it’s your fault. Feeling like nothing, so close to falling apart. And then, in time, you come to the realization that you did nothing wrong. That it’s his loss, that you are so much better without that one boy who didn’t ever care. You live and you learn, that’s how it is.

I’m done with all the heart break, the pathetic little lies. Oh, what I’d do to get into the world behind your eyes. Here’s to you, for leaving me behind, when all I do is live to make you mine. If you promise that you’re happy and better off alone, I’ll never stop loving you, but I’ll try to let you go.

You know exactly what to say and do to make me come back to you, and I hate you every day for it. And yet, I still can’t stop loving you.

People are going to disappoint you, I get that. But what if you wake up one day and realize you’re the disappointment?

I’m mad at myself, not you. I’m mad for always being nice. I’m mad for always apologizing for things I didn’t do. I’m mad for getting attached. I’m mad for depending on you and wasting my time on you. I’m mad for thinking about you, and most of all for not hating you when I should.

And I got the point that I should leave you alone, but we both know I’m not that strong.

Sometimes I really wonder how stupid it would seem to him. How I sit here with my eyes never leaving the screen of my phone waiting for his new text. Or refreshing the screen until it says he’s online. Or how when I miss him I read the things he told me months and months ago. I really wonder what he would say if he knew he meant that much to me.

Well, how did you expect it to be? You signed up for a car crash when you signed up with me. And you can’t swim to safety on a sinking ship. So go home baby, if you’re ready to quit.


2 Responses

  1. FAVORITE: Sometimes I really wonder how stupid it would seem to him. How I sit here with my eyes never leaving the screen of my phone waiting for his new text. Or refreshing the screen until it says he’s online. Or how when I miss him I read the things he told me months and months ago. I really wonder what he would say if he knew he meant that much to me.

    ^^^ totally me… if only he knew..

    • Thanks so much for the feedback! (:

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