See you Sunday! ❤

I’m just another silly teenage girl. Who keeps her hopes too high and jeans too low. Who lives by quotes and can’t ever seem to say the right thing at the right time.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

So what happens once you lose control? When the future has to start. What happens when you’re still in love, but time rips you apart.

Fuck the words we swore we meant.

Because in every relationship there comes a point when the damage is too much and no matter how good it once was, the memories can’t sustain you. You have to save yourself knowing all the while it will hurt like hell. Because you can’t keep giving someone everything if you get nothing in return.

Please be patient with me. I’m so afraid to care about someone. I know it seems like I’m this strong girl who can get through everything, but inside, I’m very fragile. I’ve had so many things thrown at me and each one has made a crack. Now I’m afraid I’m going to shatter.

I ask myself why, and in that same breath as I watch you, I get my answer. It’s everything about you.

I’ve discovered that throwing yourself all over guys and asking them out and flirting with them isn’t going to help you get a boyfriend. It’s the waiting, the times when you’re nearly going to give up because you’re done trying, that’s when he notices you. That’s what you need to wait for.

I want to be alright without you. I want to smile, I want to laugh, I just want to stop lying to myself. You’ve been pulling me down for way too long and I know now it’s time to let you go. It’s time I stop worrying about you and your precious little life; It’s time I think about myself for a change. It’s time I treat myself right and leave behind those who don’t. It’s time I dig myself out of this hole and start all over again with someone who just might be willing to give me the chance that you never did.

I like the feeling of always having someone chasing after me, wanting to win me over and constantly fighting for me. But in all honestly, they will never win me over because I have had my mind and heart set on him for way too long to ever give the other boys a second glance.

It’s kinda fucked up isn’t it? How all of a sudden, someone just wakes up and decides to never talk to you again. No reason. No explanation. No words said. They just leave you hanging like you never meant shit to them, and what hurts the most is how they made it look so easy.

I wanna have fun. I don’t want a perfect life. I want friends that I can party with all the time. I wanna guy who will hold me like I’ll never be hurt again. I want happiness again.

I have a problem. I go after people I know I can’t have, people I know will never love me back. That’s why I chose you. Because you’re the one person in this entire fucking world that I’ll never have.

I regret a number of things in my life; things that if I could, I would go back and do it different; but you aren’t one of them. Whatever it was we ‘had’ or didn’t have for that matter, I don’t regret it. I was happy, for whatever short time it was, and I don’t regret it. I wish we weren’t where we are right now.. and it’d have been nice if something came out of it… but I don’t regret it.

I cant believe its taken me this long to figure you out. This time around is going to be far different. You can tell me you’re sorry, but I wont believe you this time around like I did before. I now know that I don’t need to get under someone else to get over you. I now know, it will just happen and that someday, I’m going to kiss someone, and its gonna be for me. He will fall in love with me and he will treat me better then you ever have. You say your love is irreplaceable but his love will conquer all and I’ll live happily ever after.

So here’s to giving up. Because it’s the fastest road to healing, even if it isn’t exactly the smartest.

Just because I try not to talk about it does not mean that I am over it, that I feel better, or that I am ever going to be okay. I just don’t want to be a burden.

What makes you stay when your world falls apart? What makes you try one more time when it’s not in your heart? At the end of your rope when you can’t find any hope. You still look at him and say, “I can’t walk away.” Tell me, what makes you stay?

The only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality.

Sometimes we do things that we can’t take back. Forgivness is never easy. Biterness is easy. Hatred is easy. But forgiveness, that’s a tough one. Sometimes, people say things they don’t mean or do things they can’t take back.

And then it dawned on me. That moment was the exact moment that I always hear about. You know, the one that you wish could last forever. It was absolutely perfect.

I was stuck. I was in this place, in between my future and my past, and I wasn’t sure which one I wanted more. But I guess it was only natural, you know? To dream of a summer love from long ago, or nights you spent with friends you used to know. These people had long since gone, and part of you wanted them back, and God you hated to admit it. That was the funny part. Like admitting you missed people or things or times long ago made you weak or something, but it didn’t. And sometimes I would curl up by my window and stare off into the stars, dreaming of my future, the love and friends I had yet to come. Part of me just wanted to throw myself into the future and the other part wanted me to hurl myself into my past.

 


There are no comments on this post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: