My birthday is tomorrow, so excitedd!! (: Enjoy the post ❤

If a star fell each time I thought about you then the moon would truly realize what loneliness is like.

There are certain people who come into your life, and leave a mark. This place in your heart is tender; a bruise of longing, a pulse of unfinished business. Just hearing that name pushes and pulls at you in a hundred ways, and when you try to define those hundred ways, determine them even to yourself, words are useless.

That’s why love is madness. It’s too easy to lose your mind when you lose your heart.

We carry around in our heads these pictures of what our lives are supposed to look like, painted by the brush of our intentions. It’s this great, deep secret of humanity that in the end none of our lives look the way we thought they would. As much as we wish to believe otherwise, most of life is a reaction to circumstances.

I could forgive you and forget everything that happened. But that wouldn’t make it any better, we’ll never be able to go back to the way it used to be. You had the world in your hands, but instead you threw it away. So don’t expect me to feel sorry for something that was your own fault.

It all seems so strange that in just one night your whole life can change.

I pushed you away because I knew that if you stayed, I could never turn you down. You are the most beautiful and most terrible thing that’s ever happened to me, and you will always have me.

Love and sex and TV sets, we never left my room. I used to speak of old regrets, maybe I spoke too soon. I thought that I did my best, now I know that isn’t true. Cause my clothes smell like cigarettes and they used to smell like you.

I’ve been told that there are two types of girls: the ones you grow out of, and the ones you grow into. I hope I’m the latter. I may not be the one you love today – and that hurts – but I’ll let you go for now, hoping that one day, you’ll fly back to me…because I think you’re worth the wait.

But I am too weak to be your cure.

All my life I’ve felt like there was some part of me missing and I felt that everyone could tell. Like there was some hole in me and everyone could see through it, like I wasn’t finished or something.

I kinda just wanna run away. Not cause things are bad, or cause there’s something to run from, just cause there’s nothing in particular keeping me here.

I do, but I don’t. I want to, but I won’t. I am, but I ain’t. I could, but I just can’t. It feels right, but it’s wrong, and I’ve hurt way too long. So when you ask me if I know what I want…I do, but I don’t.

I wish you could hear all the words I’m too afraid to say.

Unlike him, I can’t just walk away. I can’t just forget what we had. It’s not that easy for me to just let go of something that was once my life. I guess unlike him, it actually mattered to me.

I’m afraid. I’m afraid of liking him more than I do. I’m afraid of possibly getting into a relationship that is just going to turn out badly, leaving things awkward. I don’t want things to go the way they have gone before. I don’t want to lose another friend if this doesn’t go well. I”m afraid to like him too much, afraid of what could happen. I don’t want hearts broken and people hurting, whoever it may be. I’m just afraid to like him more than I do and to maybe do something about it.

There is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else; they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.

I remember all the late night talks and all the words I was comfortable saying to him, but I never would have been able to say to anyone else. I remember all the songs that take me back and make me smile. I remember all the moments he took my breath away. I remember the games we played because we talked so much we couldn’t think of anything to say. I miss you.

She said, “Do you know what it’s like to lose your other half? To be so sad that, when you finally have a reason to smile, it doesn’t feel natural anymore?”

And I cried today because the pain I’ve held in from missing you was just too much to bear…and my fake smile couldn’t cover everything I hid so deep down inside anymore.

Do you know what it feels like to be in love beyond your control? To only think about one person all the time? To only be able to fall asleep if you’re dreaming about them? To be afraid to talk to them & they grow farther & farther away from you which hurts even more? Do you know what any of that feels like? Because if you don’t, come to me, & I’ll tell you all about it.

I don’t know, I mean, I want to be his friend. But then again, I don’t. You know? I mean how can you simply be friends with someone when every time you look at them you’re thinking about how much more you really want.

I mend the bridges that I probably should let burn, and the ones worth mending, I let go up in flames.


4 Responses

  1. Happy Early Birthday! I love your website. I use a different one of the quotes everyday, if you don’t mind! I love it! Keep up the great work!

    • Thank you!! I dont mind at all. (:

  2. Happy early birthday(:

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