Why’d you call me today with nothing new to say? You pretend it’s just hello, but you know what it does to me to see your number on the phone.

I just keep telling myself that there will be a significant moment when I finally know what to do.

Nah, I’m done playing this game. I’m not hurt and I’m not sad, I’m just tired of putting in effort and receiving none in return, I’m tired of dead end streets. So no, I won’t reply the next time I get a message from you. And no, I won’t be there when you need somebody to talk to. But I want you to remember that this was your fault this time, not mine.

Maybe it was wrong of me to think I could keep you. And maybe it’s the last few drinks taking over my mouth and all I’ve been thinking is I want you to know that I am fine here without you. But I can’t bring myself to lie to you.

You can only run away for so long. You can turn your back and pretend like nothing’s wrong and life is dandy but it’s only a matter of time before it all comes back. Before your past comes back and haunts you. And then you begin to wonder if you deserve to be happy at all after all that you’ve done. After all the heartache you caused and the pain you so selfishly brought upon those who never did you wrong.

Life is much more enjoyable now that I’ve decided that I just don’t give a fuck.

“You really love him, don’t you?” A simple psychological question. Not a single name was mentioned. But suddenly, his face came into my mind.

Sorry is the most useless word. No matter how many times you say it, it’s never gonna reverse the damage you’ve done.

You probably won’t remember that test you failed, but you will never forget the person you were with the night before when you decided not to study.

It all seems so strange that in just one night your whole life can change.

You’re going to need me more than I need you.

You will never know how many times I’ve laid in my bed, all night, just thinking of how much you mean to me, and how much I love you.

I believe in love, I really believe in love. But for so long I’ve been too cynical, too logical, too damn skeptical to feel it.

Sometimes you feel everything and nothing all at once. Sometimes you’ll find yourself smiling while missing someone at the same time. At times you can absolutely love a person, all the while wanting to hate them so badly. Life comes without guarantee’s, except that smiling will brighten your face, laughing will enhance your eyes, and falling in love will change your life.

You wanna get over him? Here’s my advice. Fill your schedule. Have no spare time because every time you have a moment to yourself, your mind will find it’s way right to him and you’ll be just as fucked as you were before.

I say I’m over him but am I really? Of course not, he was the boy that I got butterflies in my stomach when I saw him. The boy I waited for to come online, the boy that if he smiled at me, nothing else could bring me down. But he is also the boy that didn’t love me back. So if anyone asks, I’ll just say, “Oh him? He was nothing.” When he was everything and more.

Sometimes in order to not fall apart, you have to let go of what keeps you together.

There are people who aren’t in my life anymore and I just wish I could tell them they meant something to me, even if I meant nothing to them.

I thought I was over him. Done with him. But then there he was, standing there, and I couldn’t breathe.

All that I know is that you don’t just give up on people like that. This was an all or nothing deal and you gave me nothing. But I gave you everything. All of me.

Me? I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of what I feel, of what I’ve said, of who I am, but most of all I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feel the rest of my life the way I feel when I’m with you.

When I see you again, I’ll have to pretend like I don’t want to be your everything, and that I don’t want you to be mine. I’ll have to smile and pretend like I’m fine, even though you’ll see right through that. Problem is, I don’t want you to know how much this is hurting me. I don’t want you to be concerned for me because I think I need to do this on my own this time.

The hardest thing about knowing that you don’t love me, is that you spent so much time pretending that you did.


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