Why do I care so much about you, after all you’ve done to me? I mean, you’re nothing really special, just another stupid teenage idiot. But you were always my idiot, and that’s what counts. God, I used to believe in you. I really did. But I don’t know what to believe anymore. You blew it, idiot. I hope you’re happy. Just when I thought everything would be okay, you threw it all away. You changed before my eyes. It’s like these last months meant nothing. I’m not gonna lie, this hurts like hell. I’ve never hurt this much over another person. I want to be done with you. But I can’t say goodbye. This might seem backwards, but I don’t know what hurts more right now, the possibility that you never cared about me at all, or the possibility that you still do.

Anyone can walk away but before you do, just remember what you are leaving behind.

Be thankful for every heartbreak, for they were planned. They come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. Their purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life. And you do.

Be that strong girl that everyone knew would make it through the worst, be that fearless girl, the one who would dare to do anything, be that independent girl who didn’t need a man, be that girl who never backed down.

I know things have changed, in a way I never expected. I hope your life is everything you want it to be. And no matter when, or how long it’s been since we’ve spoken nor how late it is in the night, I’m always a phone call, a text, a drive away. I promise you that you will always be my best friend. And I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Cause through everything that happened it was meant to, and I look of it as a test, a test to see how strong our friendship is. We can make it, I know we can. And just know that no matter what happens in our lives I’ll always be here for you.

One day your smile just won’t make me smile anymore.

You never look at me the same anymore. When you looked at me you used to stare into my eyes and it felt like some magnetic force I couldn’t pull away from. It used to give me butterflies and make my heart beat 10 times faster. But now you just stare at me with empty eyes.

A goodbye isn’t painful unless you’re never going to say hello again.

You taught me what this feels like and then how it feels to lose it. You showed me who I wanted and then who I wasn’t. You ticked every box and then drew a line. And you weren’t mine to begin with and then not to end with. And you looked like everything I wanted and then became something I hated. And you get thought of everyday. And then not in a good way. And you let me leave and then I wish I’d stayed.

Sometimes the memories are worth the pain.

You’re him. You’re that horrible guy everyone hears about. The one that took away an innocent girls ability to love, the one that made a happy girl turn into a girl that only thinks about how hard it’s going to be to wake up the next day, the one that the naive girl trusted so much she gave you her heart; And you didn’t care, the one that the girl thought knew you, and fell for you.. but you proved her judgment wrong. She had her doubts but she ignored them, thinking that she could change you, save you, make you look at her the way she looked at you. But you proved her instincts right. She shouldn’t have trusted you, she shouldn’t have loved you, she shouldn’t have went out on a limb, she’ll no longer takes risks like this.. you proved it’s not worth the pain, just to see you love someone that doesn’t deserve you. You were my lesson, I now know not to make such a stupid mistake.

When you’ve found a reason to walk away, never look back. Just keep walking. It’s better to get lost moving on than to get stuck stranded and broken.

I wish I could say that this is for the best and that everything will be better in the long run. But I really just don’t know this time. And so all I can say is that I will miss you, I will completely and irrevocably miss you.

Strength is no more than how well you hide the pain.

I come in here and I sit in silence and hear the echoes of who we used to be, and so I wish for patience, and grace, and the strength to just let him be happy. Mostly, I pray for the strength to not make his life worse because of what I want. That’s the toughest part, letting go, you know? That’s the part of grace that just really sucks.

I must admit I saw it coming, the air between us had gotten harder yet to breathe. I’d run away if I could help it, but I can’t remember to forget your face. You are as beautiful as ever, yet I’m starting to resent your smile because it’s killing me to say this, but I’m dying inside to leave.

Walking away was the hardest thing I ever did, but I did it because I thought that’s what you wanted. I didn’t actually want to believe that, but you shoved it in my face.

She’s a disaster. She loses faith in herself every day. Her life is a mess and she doesn’t even care. No one understands her. And people say stuff to put her down and no one even notices that she might be breaking inside. Or they never notice that maybe she needs a hug from someone. Or someone to sit there with her and listen to her.

You just have to learn that sometimes, it isn’t love. It’s just a feeling. A sudden feeling, and you just overreacted.

He’s the reason I’m messed up, the reason I can’t get myself into another relationship, no matter how hard I try, no matter how bad I want to, I’m scared. I’m scared of hurting someone else.. because I could never love anyone the way I love him.

The one thing I hate the most is saying goodbye. It’s never been easy for me. I mean, how do you approach the concept of goodbye? Goodbyes are all different. Some are for a day, some are for a month. But others are forever. And the concept of forever is hard to accept. It’s like hey, I’m never going to see you again, goodbye. It doesn’t feel complete. But I think that’s what goodbyes are. They’re incomplete and you honestly don’t know how long the goodbye will last.


There are no comments on this post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: