Every now and then I fall apart.

Once upon a time I was falling in love. But now I’m only falling apart.

Even if it’s killing you inside, you need to stick it out. Hold your head higher with every ignorant thing you hear. Stick your chest out further with every hardship you go through. Keep going on, even if it’s destroying you. Recovery is possible, even when it seems so far away.

Look at me, I’m not what you need. If you think that I should catch you every time you fall, I have tried, but there are too many places you hide. I didn’t wanna hurt you. This is gonna hurt you. I don’t wanna see you fall, but I can’t be holding on to the same mistakes we always make.

There are moments when it’s too quiet. Particularly late at night or early in the mornings. That’s when you know there’s something lacking in your life. You just know.

Maybe some people are just meant to be lost. Maybe I’m just one of those people.

I wish there was some way for us to go back and undo the past. But there wasn’t. There was nothing we could do. So I just stayed silent and trying to telepathically communicate how sorry I was about what had happened. And I thought of all the grief and sadness and fucked up suffering in the world, and it made me want to escape. I wish with all my heart that we could just leave this world behind, rise like two angels in the night and magically disappear.

I love you. So much more than I should. Beyond friendship, beyond reason. I’m sorry but you can’t ever know, it’s never gonna be that simple. Because you’re happy. You don’t need this. You don’t need to feel bad for me, and I don’t need your pity.

Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain.

The things we did, the things we said keep coming back to me and make me smile again.

Maybe I’ve been going back too much lately; to when time stood still and I had you.

I’m not using your past against you, I’m preventing it from destroying my future.

I stayed online for way too long last night hoping that maybe you’d want to talk. But you didn’t. You never do.

I’d give him another chance, since I never really gave up. It seemed like I moved on, but all I did was pick myself up and tried being happy. If you have to know, you were always at the top of my heart.

Just remember, it’s okay to cry. And referring to him as “asshole” is perfectly expected. Because, trust me, you’ll end up talking about him just as often, if not more than before the break up. There will be the “one time’s” and the “i remember’s”, and once you think you’re over him, watch out. You better keep your eyes closed in the hallways, because I promise you, the next time you see him, he’ll be all over some other girl. A little part of you will want to warn her but nothing will blame you for hating her and for blaming her for your pain.

Once upon a time I was falling in love. But now I’m only falling apart.

I automatically assume people won’t like me, so I don’t talk to them unless they approach me first. I can’t become a part of a crowd because I can’t get past that feeling that I don’t belong.

Honey, he didn’t unbutton your shirt to get a better view of you heart, so just remember when you’re at his house undressing, you’re just another girl about to learn her lesson.

Everyone tells you that you deserve better but no one is willing to give it to you.

My friends blame you for taking advantage of me, but I blame myself for letting you.

It’s not okay because he made me laugh. Because I didn’t have to pretend to be anything other than who I am when I was with him. Because I don’t believe that stuff about finding your other half, but because I do believe that what you look for is someone who makes you a better person when you’re with them. Who changes you for the better, who makes you the best person you can possibly be, and because I thought I had found that in him.

Some of the most comforting words in the universe are “me too.” That moment when you find out that your struggle is also someone else’s struggle that you’re not alone, and that others have been down the same road.

I don’t think you know how hard it is to talk to you as just a friend.

I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to chase after me. But you just watched me leave…


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