Every time I fall for a guy, I want him so badly. But i just can’t get past the fact that he isn’t perfect.

People who don’t know us, we look like the perfect couple. I think
everyone see’s it. Everyone except you.

I’m the kind of girl who is quiet in large groups or around people I don’t know; you only see the real me if we’re close. I smile and laugh a lot, especially at the most inappropriate times. I’m a hopeless romantic. I trip over air, up stairs, and over people’s feet. I am the hardest person to offend, but it is all too easy to make me feel horrible. I hate telling people about my problems; they don’t need to worry about me. I’m the one who listens to other people’s problems. I believe people should not be judged before one takes the time to get to know them, yet I am guilty of doing that exact thing. I love to think rather than talk. I’m awkward, clumsy, shy, strange… but this is me. Take it or leave it.

She always went back to the memories of those nights.
The nights that she was the only one on his mind, and
he was the only one on hers.

Just because other people say he’s not the best bet for you doesn’t mean
you have to think twice to being with him. Be with him because he
makes you happy, not because you want others to be happy for you.

It’s kinda fucked up isn’t it? How all of a sudden, someone just wakes up and decides to never talk to you again. No reason. No explanation. No words said. They just leave you hanging like you never meant shit to them, and what hurts the most is how they made it look so easy.

I waited for you for so long. I watched my phone, every night, waiting on a phone call that somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I’d never get. I just wanted to hear you say that you were sorry for hurting me, and that maybe you wanted to get back together. I hoped and hoped that you saw me in the hallways, looking down at the floor and just know that I missed you. Because I thought you missed me too, you just didn’t know what you wanted. But, I finally realized that you didn’t miss me at all, that I was definitely not what you wanted, and that I never meant that much to you anyway.

I want a Cinderella Story, The Notebook Romance, A Walk To Remember true-to-death love. And to be completely honest, I want you and only you. I want to stop wishing for you at 11:11 because you’re already mine. I want to draw your name in hearts and not feel guilty. I want to stop sitting up at  night praying to God to make you mine. I want to be with you, and only you. I want to text you day and night, I want to hug you and never let go, I want you to kiss me on the cheek, just to be spontaneous, I want to hold hands with you and show you off to the world. I want you, and only you.

You were always such a goddamn asshole; constantly tricking me and judging me and pondering if I was good enough for you. And what bothers me the most about that is the fact that, somewhere in the back of my mind, I know I’m exactly like you…

One day I will love myself. And maybe then I will finally be able to love someone else.

Sometimes the feelings we start to have again are feelings that never really went away in the first place.

I’m not going to stress over you anymore. It isn’t worth it. I tried to work something out, but you just ignored it. I’m not trying to say I don’t want you because I definitely do. All I’m saying is I’m done chasing after you.

I liked him. Actually, no. I loved him. But there were parts of me that weren’t completely ready to give him another chance. And that was something I just had to deal with.

Do you ever wonder? I mean about us, what happened? It was almost like our relationship was a piece of paper crumbled up and thrown away; forgotten. What might have happened if we didn’t throw it away? Maybe we would still be together or maybe not. Or maybe secretly we haven’t thrown it away yet. We’re saving it because we’re hoping someday we can pull it out of our pockets and rekindle what we once had. Or maybe it’s not even that we want it back, maybe it’s that we don’t want to lose what we had but at the same time, we know it’s already lost. I wonder that a lot and I wonder if you wonder sometimes too.

And I keep going back to the one thing I need to get away from.

To let go isn’t to forget, not think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn’t winning, & it isn’t losing. It’s not about pride, & it’s not about how you appear, & it’s not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, & doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It’s not giving in or giving up. Letting go isn’t about loss, & it’s not defeat. To let go is to cherish memories, & overcome and move on. It’s having an open mind & confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting. It’s learning & experiencing & growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, & made you grow. It’s about all that you have, all that you had, & all that you will soon again. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, & the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It’s realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, & to clear a path, & to set you free.

Forgetting would mean acknowledging that it happened; and I can’t do that.

I like to be with you, but the real you. The one I got all crushed out on, you know? I don’t want to see you change. I like you, and I like the fact that somebody like you sees something in me.

It’s been a month since we’ve actually had a real conversation. It’s been weeks since you last called. It’s been days since I’ve seen your face. What we had seems like it’s been forgotten & replaced. It seems like it was a one time deal, like I only had one chance with you, and that once chance has been screwed up. I didn’t mean to.. I let you go, I’ll admit that. But I thought you’d care enough to come back. You always made me smile, but a smile isn’t forever.

I’m so sorry for doing this to you. I’m sorry for making you believe in something that didn’t actually exist and I’m sorry for using you for my own selfish purposes. I should have told you in the beginning, I don’t have much of a heart left.

We want what we can’t have, we crave those who hurt us, and we desire the touch of those who reject us. Human nature: the kiss of death. It leads us all to suffering, and nothing but.

What a shame, we all became such fragile broken things.

Isn’t it strange how something so small can tear two people, and essentially your world, apart?

There are no comments on this post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: