Its just when you want– no, need people to be there for you, they’re not. They’re like a million miles away and when you think someone is totally reliable and trustworthy and you’ve built your whole life around them…then it turns out they were never that person.

And you asked me if he was worth it, if this was worth it. I said, the thing is, The happiness that I feel when I’m with him is unlike any happiness I have ever experienced. But the sadness that consumes me during the long periods when the happiness is gone is unlike any sadness I’ve ever had, too. It is bottomless and makes me feel hopeless and sad and ugly. And I can’t decide which one is more affecting, can I live without the happiness, can I live with that sadness? I don’t know…I don’t know anything anymore.

I warned you, I told you I’d be better off without you, but you didn’t care.

My cold, hard heart exposed, finally, for what it truly was. Fair warning, I thought. I should have told you from the start. I will let you down.

Have you ever woke up from a really good dream & just tried to go back to sleep? Or had the flu & you promise yourself that you’ll appreciate normal so much more if you could just get back to it? That’s the way I feel; I just want things to go back to the way they were.

I am not pushing you away… I am holding on for dear life, but I need you to need me back.

When I met him, it was like a shade going up in a dark room, the light suddenly pouring in. He understood things about me, things no one else ever did, ever could. And then he was gone, just as suddenly, the room went dark again.

I cannot keep doing this. I don’t want to be this second best bullshit anymore. Love me for me, not for the things that remind you of her.

You talk like that to every single girl. I was so stupid, why did I think I was anything special to you? Obviously I wasn’t but I can’t believe I wasted my precious time on you. I wish I could have realized earlier.

You are what I need and want, but not right now.

A song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment.

I just want to give up, that’s what I want to do. I don’t want to care about boys, crushes, falling in love anymore. I just want to shut it all out because I’m so afraid of getting hurt. I just want you to understand. I just want you to understand my fears and still come after me. But I know you won’t. You aren’t going to come after me. Because it’s not me you want.

But mostly, I cried because my life had been going full speed for so long and now it had just
stopped, like running right into a brick wall, knocking the wind and the fight right out of me.
And I didn’t know if I ever wanted to get up and start breathing again.

I’ve been running around for the past year, with absolutely no direction. I didn’t know what I wanted. All I knew was that you were always there, always in my head, always under my skin. And when you kissed me that night, for the first time all year, I felt whole.

Maybe we rushed into things. Maybe I got too comfortable. Maybe I think to much. Maybe I care about other peoples feelings more than my own. Maybe I don’t care what happens. Maybe I am to free to be in any relationship at all.

Everyone has that person that they go back to. Each time, they swear it’s different, and they’re done for good. But they aren’t. They wish they were, but the thing is, they can’t be. Because that person they keep going back to, they can’t be completely happy without them.

I’ve become a real believer in not defining every single thing. Seems like every time you think you’ve figured out what something is, it just becomes something else.

It’s almost like you planned it. You waited for the exact moment I fell for you, the moment I finally admitted it, and then you went and ripped the rug right out from under my feet.

I feel like I live the same play over and over again. I fall too fast and heal too slow.

Someone tell me why I’m so easy to forget. I wish people wanted to be in my life, but instead they walk right out of it. I wish people could see me for who I truly am and then maybe, just maybe they’ll want to stay. These walls aren’t helping. And so the cycle continues, and people always leave.

He’s always close enough to touch, but never quite close enough to hold. And it’s close enough to break your heart.

You walked away from me. You just left me standing there, on my own.  I showed you the real me and you did nothing.  I gave you my heart and you broke it in pieces.  So don’t ask me if I’m okay, because honestly, you know I’m not.


There are no comments on this post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: