I want something random, indescribable, beautiful, unexpected.
I want to be caught off guard, and swept too impossibly high off my feet.

It’s sad to think you’ll never be mine, it’s even sadder to realize I knew it all the time.

But just as summer’s hold is fleeting, I was here and now I’m gone.

Just say you understand,
I never had this planned.

He turned around and looked right at me and said nothing, not even hi. It was as if the months we had spent together, the times I spent loving him just weren’t important, as if they never happened.

You know what? I’m tired of hearing about how nothing in your life is good enough… Including me.

Somehow they mentioned your name, and someone asked me if i knew you. Looking away I thought of all the times we had together, sharing laughter, tears, jokes, and tons more, and then, without explanation you were gone. I looked to where they were waiting for my answer and then I said softly, ‘Once… I thought I did.’

Sometimes it’s like I really think I know him. And then it’ll be like we’re total strangers.

Missing you isn’t the hardest part, it’s knowing I once had you that breaks my heart.

You don’t need to know any of this. But the things I don’t reveal are the things I hold closest and fear losing the most. I work overtime keeping them veiled and camouflaged. You don’t need to know that I walk around all day fearing the things that make me happy, and that I have been doing that for my entire life.

Now that she’s gone, maybe he’ll notice her now.

She was screaming so loud she lost her voice for days, and no one even noticed.

It’s bad that I took a second look. I guess I’m an open book. I didn’t really intend to embrace you that long, but then again, I wasn’t the only one holding on.

And I love you but I don’t have the right. And I wanted you so bad tonight.

It’s amazing, after all that we’ve been through, the good times and the bad, how we can walk by each other and pretend it never happened, give each other a polite awkward smile and move on.

Just once I want someone to look at me and right away and think I was beautiful. Not after they get to know me, or after they see inside my soul, just me. I want to walk in a room and light up, not blend.

Just when I thought my life was coming together, I realized it was just starting to fall apart.

I’m sorry for running away from you, I’m sorry for not being enough for you.

Hope was all I needed, and pain was all I found.

So hot with love, we burned our hands.

I want someone to care so much even though I say I don’t. I push people who start to love me away because I know that if they stopped loving me it would kill me but everything kills me anyways.

Maybe they are right. Maybe I did get my hopes up too high. Maybe I was way over my head. Maybe I am the stupid one for ever thinking that he liked me. But maybe, just maybe I’m tired of being alone.

I miss you. Not enough to want you back, just enough for it to hurt.

Do you remember what I said, while she’s sleeping in your bed? Tell me now you smile hard, cause I don’t smile much so far. And is she everything you need; is she everything I couldn’t be?

What can I say, we have so many memories… so many things to look back on. I learned so much from you, gained so much. I loved the way you made me laugh, I hated the way you made me cry, but what I hated most was when we said good-bye.

Though the sparkle is gone, the smile is in place so that everyone watching can see. You’ve got them all convinced, but I know it so well. That you could list your friends, but you can’t count on them.

Our lives are shaped by people who love us and people who refuse to love us.

You hurt me so bad, but maybe it’s my fault, because I stuck around too long.

I guess I’ve been wishing on her star because she got what I wanted.

I was lost. There was nobody for me to talk to about all that you were troubling me with. So I sat alone, with everything inside, and cried myself to sleep.

I guess some things never change.

And this, I thought to myself, this is letting go.

Wandering this house like I’ve never wanted out, and this is about as social as I get now. And I’m throwing away the letters that I am writing you, cause they would never do, I would never do.


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